10.13.2011

My escape...toilet style.

There are some things that baffle me. Things that I never thought I'd understand. Things that are kinda nasty. One thing that fits in all those descriptions:

Toilet sitting.

You know the kind where people go in with a pile of magazines, their iPad or crossword puzzles. The kind where people come out smelling because they've been in there so long. (Seriously, why do they want to soak up all that stench?) 

I happen to be married to someone who loves to chill in the bathroom. He could go missing for 30 minutes. An hour. Its INSANE. What is going on in there?!? 

I am blessed (or cursed?) to only have to go in there 1-2 times a week. My intestines are steel, lemme tell ya. Once I went 3.5 weeks and had to get prescription laxatives. Too much? Oh, okay. Moving on.

What dawned on me this week, is that no one messes with anyone while they're in the bathroom. Its like an automatic private time. Which got me thinking. Why do I have to be actually pooping to have some peace and quiet? 

Which is why I am sitting on the toilet right now. 

I'm thinking those really fluffy toilet seat covers that my grandma has would help since I am sitting on the lid and all. The stank sucker-outer is drowning out any of the chaos going on outside the conveniently locked door. Its peaceful. So peaceful, that I don't even care if the hubs thinks I suddenly have IBS. I'm going to give myself at least 30 minutes of toilet time a day. 30 stank free minutes with my laptop or iPad, or maybe even a box of chocolates. 

Whatever I want. Its my toilet time.

19 comments:

  1. Molly.. this is the best post ever. Seriously. WHY does John take his iPad in there?? It makes me feel all disgusting and gross to pick it up after it's been in there! Also? You have boys-- my girls? Would stand on either side of me while I try to go to the bathroom. No privacy.

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  2. LMAO. I do this all the time!!! The hubs is a gentleman about it and won't even mention how long I've been in there. What he doesn't know is I am sitting on a pile of towels and I'm online.

    This doesn't work if its just you and the son. A shut door automatically means a thousand monkeys on amphetamines was just unleashed on your home.

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  3. It always slightly disturbs me when I go into someone's home and see a large pile of magazines, books, and crossword puzzles next to their toilet.

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  4. Awesome idea! I wish my bathroom door had a lock on it. If it did, I'd totally do this too. My family doesn't leave me alone when I'm in there. Ever.

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  5. When my huz disappears with his smartphone, I know it's going to be awhile...which I don't understand. I mean, I go once a day and it takes, like 10 seconds (more TMI, because WHY NOT???).

    I was once on a website where someone posted a pic of a restaurant bathroom and its HUGE bookshelf and was all "This is the best idea ever!" And I was all, "That is disgusting and has GOT to be a health code violation!!!"

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  6. LOL Love this. When B was colicky and crying for 2 hours every night for about 4 months I learned this little secret real quick! Hubs was probably worried about me, but whatever. I needed a break! :) I would just stand/sit on the bathroom floor with the door locked. Ahhhh (sorta) bliss. :)

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  7. Omigosh, that's hilarious! Toilet time. You crack me up!

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  8. Hilarious!! What a great idea!! Why have I never thought of doing this?!!! Enjoy your toilet time!

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  9. I love it! I actually do it at work sometimes when I just want a break. It's the only place I can really get away from everyone for a few minutes. Sometimes I just sit there and close my eyes or sometimes I play on my phone. But its a nice break :)

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  10. I have done it for a while. I go there to read just because my boys won't interrupt while I'm there. Is my own quite time and I love it.

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  11. I'm in love with this post.

    I can't believe this never occured to me.

    It's official. I'm taking toilet time as well. My hubs often sneaks off twice a day..... (although I think he has the weakest stomach on earth)

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  12. Lol!!! Too funny, unfortunately I am more of the IBS crowd. The only pleasant thing about that is the private time. Yikes. Except, sometimes the dogs AND cat follow me in! Wth!

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  13. I.Love.This.Post.

    As a kid, I was an only child & was never bothered. When the holidays came around, I was forced to live with other people & ultimately had to search out places for solitude. One place was my closet b/c my phone cord reached that far. The other was the bathroom. I would take the longest baths. Or just go sit & read.

    But now? There is no privacy. My kids will hunt me down.

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  14. This is probably my favorite post evaaaar - because this is exactly what happens in Sebastian house :)

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  15. I love it! My hubs is the same way...I always tell him that it must be nice to be able to take as long as you want and not have someone (8 month old sweet baby girl) staring at you...). I'm really diggin the idea of "toilet time" though I think you may be on to something. :)

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  16. Bwahahahaha! I have actually done this!
    My husband is notorious for hogging the bathroom. I have no idea how somebody can poop for a half hour. I swear, he must fall asleep on the toilet.

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