Stilettos and Diapers: Remembering

4.05.2010

Remembering

10 years ago, I was 15.
I was scared, and in pain.

My spine was bent and twisted at a 75 degree angle.
I had been through several years of back braces,
Constant pain, chiropractors, and doctors.

Everything was tried to prevent surgery,
But it was inevitable.

10 years ago, I was wheeled into the OR,
Leaving my family in the waiting room.

I remember counting backwards,
And falling asleep.

I remember them waking me up,
And asking me to move my feet.

Later to find out they had told my parents
I had lost all feeling on my left side.

I remember being overdosed by a crazed recovery nurse
And being given several blood transfusions.

I remember recovering with a broken hip,
A numb leg, and a walker.
Things a 15 year old shouldn't have.

I remember freaking out when I weighed myself
After all the titanium they put in my back.

I remember my first flight after surgery,
Where all the metal detectors went off,
And I had to pull out my Doctors note.

I remember feeling so self conscious about my scars
And trying all sorts of creams to cover them.

But today, I remember 10 years ago,
And I feel so blessed.

Blessed to be alive.
To not be in pain.
To have been able to carry a child.

Now those couple scars are barely visible.
But I look at them and remember to be grateful.

31 comments:

  1. I cannot imagine how scared you were. That is a lot for a 15 year old to go through. So thankful that you are alive and healthy!

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  2. WOW. I can't even imagine going through that at fifteen! *HUGS*

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  3. So glad that you are healthy and happy today! annnnd i have that bikini lol

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  4. I broke my back at 15 & they didn't give me surgery until I was 21. I couldn't imagine going through that surgery when I was 15. I'm sorry that you went through it, but I'm so glad you are healthy & grateful for it now (: Question for you because it's something I'm nervous about. When you were pregnant did your back hurt badly?

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  5. Great writing! You've got a great lookin' back from what I see on that pic!

    Suz

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  6. I couldn't imagine having to go through that at 15. You are very brave.

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  7. wow!!! i could not imagine to be in your shoes as a 15 year old and to go through all of that.... scars are what makes us who we are today and we should embrace them :) im glad your healthy!!

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  8. Aw, Molly. I also remember this and remember all of us in Kingdom Kids praying for you!!! So glad to see that you've fully recovered. I can't even imagine how traumatizing that must have been for you at the tender age of 15. Great post!

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  9. De-lurking to say thank you so much for posting this.

    I was 16 when my parents took me to the doctor for back pain, then diagnosed with this.They said I had to much curve already to do a preventive brace.

    18 when they said it had finished curving and it was borderline operatable but would not get any worse, go home and live a normal life.

    23 When I was told my 2 year old son (pregnancy)had doubled the severity, pain, and if I wanted more kids I would have to have the surgery.

    Im 24 and waiting for my surgery and I'm terrified.
    Terrified I wont ever be able to hold my son again, terrified my dream of more babies will be gone.

    I needed to read this!!!

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  10. Wow. I had no idea. How scary for you! Glad everything is okay now!

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  11. You have always been a strong, beautiful girl in my mind before you shared this ... this makes you that much more awesome!!

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  12. Oh my... you certainly went through a lot to get that beautiful and strong back of yours!

    So glad everything worked out okay for you and it is now just a memory of a time in your life.

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  13. I remember this a little. I'm so glad that you aren't in any pain anymore. You are very strong!

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  14. i'm glad you are no longer in pain and live a healthy happy life :)
    you are a strong, brave lady and that would be a lot to put anyone through.

    hope you had a great easter sweet girly!! :)

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  15. Glad you are able to look back and be happy with your progress thus far. I have a few scars from surgery and I don't even notice them now, they are just a part of me.

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  16. Beautiful post my dear...just beautiful. I am so happy you are happy and healthy today :-)

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  17. awesome post!!!

    experiences like this are not to be ashamed of. embrace your scars (though i see none). they only shed light on your amazing strength.

    you rock woman!!!

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  18. Scary! I am happy it all turned out okay :)

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  19. Geez...you are one tough lady! I'm happy to see that you have recovered beautifully!

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  20. My goodness Molls! You are one tough lady! And, I certainly feel blessed to have you as a bloggy friend... :)

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  21. So glad this story has a happy ending.

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  22. Do you have scoliosis? If so, me too! Back surgery is a hard thing - I'm glad you were able to overcome it (I've been there, too... ).

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  23. Wow, thanks for sharing. I didn't realize the extent of your spinal problems and am so glad you have such a positive outlook on what must have been a horrible ordeal...

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  24. I gave you an award on Friday!! (I'm a little late announcing it!)
    Hope you had a great weekend!

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  25. AMAZING story girl!!! I am so glad that you shared that with us! God has truly blessed you!

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  26. Oh Molly, darlin'! I'm SO glad you're here too :)
    You are one tough cookie!

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  27. Wow Molly that must have been an ordeal! Your back looks amazing to me!

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  28. Wow, girly. That's kinda scary. It seems to have made you a much stronger person. xo

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  29. Beautiful post and what an amazing story!

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  30. I had to have a spinal fusion at 17. The worst part was the doctors had no idea my back had been broken that entire year(MRIs have gray areas when it comes to broken bones). They knew it was a stress fracture. It was a freak thing because it was caused by getting in and out of bed, turning in a chair, and getting out of the car. It was the most excruciating pain I had EVER experinced...even compared to my countless hip surgeries, so I know exactly how you feel.

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