Identify theft has happened to me. Not in the steal all my money and screw up my credit kindof way. No, this way is different. Maybe worse. I am not one for down in the dumps post, but whatever, that is me today.
I am happy with my life. I am genuinely happy being a wife and a mommy. It is what I always wanted to be. I feel incredibly blessed that I can be home with Cooper. I sound very ungrateful even writing this, but sometimes I just feel like the old me is missing. What is my identity now other than mom? I feel as if someone else has taken residence in my body. I loose my temper way easier. I am not as sweet as I used to be. I try to, but I am just on edge. I used to be incredibly patient...yeah, so not that anymore. I don't know if there is much of anything from the "real" me left. I worry about letting my husband down because I am not the girl he married.
I love seeing Cooper learn new things and grow up every day, but those days just meld into one another. I go nonstop and get nothing done. How does that happen? I can go days without feeling like I got anything accomplished. When the hubby travels, it is even worse. I talk to my family and friends on the phone, but face to face adult conversation is rare.
I have thought a little about getting a job. I am a nurse, so it would be pretty easy. I would just do it on the weekend. Maybe even one a month. I mentioned it to the hubby and he didn't seem too excited. I would be giving up time with him then, too. I just don't know if it is worth it. We don't see each other as much as I would like as it is, and finding quality time once you have kids is no easy task.
I feel jealous of the hubs job. He went through training living with 7 other people for 3 months. His company has alot of young people that he gets along great with. Although they are not in the area and don't work together on a daily basis, he goes to conferences and talks to them alot. He spent the week in Chicago for a work conference last week. Hearing about everything they did and all the people that he likes, it makes me feel like I am missing out. I suddenly want to go through training and work for him. Haha. Granted, his job is stressful, and I am the one that sees that end of things. I guess the grass is always greener.
I just don't want to loose the good things about me. I know I have good and bad characteristics, but I feel like in all of this new found stress, the good ones are MIA. How do I get back to where I was while still fitting in my "new" life? How am I defined other than, Molly, Cooper's mom? I am living a life I always wanted, but feel I have lost myself in the process. Now what?